Thursday, January 7, 2010

An Update

Hey all.

I've been having a much better week this week. I had a great dinner with my best friend on Tuesday night and a really nice lunch with my girlfriends from school today. I saw my psychiatrist on Tuesday, and he prescribed me Wellbutrin, so I finally feel like I have some hope of coming up out of this depression. I've only been on it a couple days, and I'm feeling woozy and pretty "out of it". I have that typical "foggy" feeling from starting a new medication-and I'm pretty dizzy (no driving for me!), but I haven't had any real bad side effects yet. It will take a few weeks for the Wellbutrin to kick in, so we'll see how that goes. I also saw my family doctor today, and she doubled my water pills, hoping that will rid me of my edma. If not, she (and my psychiatrist) are pretty sure I'll have to either come down or off of my lithium; something that scares the crap out of me. I've been on lithium since the VERY beginning of my diagnosis, and to be without would terrify me. Plus, there is a reason it's the #1 drug used on Bipolars. But....we shall see. I'm trying to think positive.

I had a couple different topics planned out for this post, but I've received some more hate mail, and I have a couple more things to say. This will be the last post addressing more hate mail, because it is a waste of my time. But, I feel it's important for everyone to “get" where I'm coming from. I've made this blog public because I want to help to erase the stigma of mental illness. I don't pretend to live my life perfectly; I certainly never claimed to be perfect. This blog is a reflection of my daily life. Some days will be good; some will be bad-that’s the nature of the illness. However, I have the chance to write how I feel and put it "out there" and maybe change someone's perception, or at least help them to understand what mental illness truly is about. So, I've kept this blog public-and I'm glad I did, because I've had some great comments from people I don't even know in different countries with totally different perspectives. Unfortunately, I have a very pathetic and misguided (and also mentally ill) person from my past (who is scarily obsessed with my husband) who has decided that this blog is the way for her to get "back" at me. She thinks she’s found some “smart” way to “get at me”, but really Chris and I just have a good laugh at her posts and delete them. I have disabled the "anonymous" option because she was the only one using it anyways, and will no longer post her posts (they were no longer about the blog, only me and my husband anyways). It's a sad day that people feel they must attack people over the internet, (because they are too afraid to say it in person of course) but I won't let my blog suffer for it. Since I know she's reading (funny how she hates my blog yet continues to read it)-

* I will no longer read your posts or emails. I honestly hope you can get help for your illness some day because at this rate it's going to ruin your life. Good luck with everything. *

I realize that by keeping this blog public I open myself to criticism. Criticism of my illnesses, my doctors, my medications, etc.-I'm ok with that. But this is not a forum to personally attack me. This is an area to talk honestly about something many people aren't able to speak about in public or at home. Mental Illness Awareness is coming, and it's not stopping for the ignorance. It's taken us waaaaaaaaaaaaaay too many years to have our voice heard. It's more than damn time. So send your hate mail if you want; it won't be read. I'm focusing on the positive, not just for me, but for this blog, and for the awareness. If we don't do it, no one will. The stronger ones have to fight for the weaker-there are so many ill who aren't able to fight for their rights-but we CAN. So LET'S DO IT.
Thanks again for reading. I so appreciate it.

Ps-Is anyone else on Wellbutrin or have you tried it?


  1. From Facebook:

    "Lori Bennetts-Houghton-
    Wow this is amazing honey and good for you. Whoever that was (and you obviously know) they better not show their face around Chris or your Dad. They would be so toast.

    Time to move on from it and hey, you had a good laugh anyways!"

  2. No matter what you do there will always be people who dump all over you so you shouldn't put much stock in it. I have been following your blog for a little while now and I am just wondering if your handling it the right way, all the meds work for a while but in the end they become self-defeating because all your doing in the end is fighting a battle you really can't win. As a person who has already run the gambit of what you're going through maybe you should deal with it the way I do, drug free, it has been my experiance that doctors (psyciatrists especially) already have their opinions formed long before they enter the room and all they do is say uh-huh a lot and hope the check dosen't bounce. I say stop fighting it and just embrace your condition,bad days will come with or with out the meds there's nothing anyone can do about that. Now I won't lie to you, it is a brutal road to be on at first but once you have learned how to roll with it, it will be like a whole new world has opened up in front of you and in the end you will be much stronger for having done it. Just remember you will always have a friend out here. as a personal note, (or a different one at least) that picture the you put next to this update, Hot. and I'm sure you've figured out who I am at this point.

  3. Hi Northern,

    I appreciate your comments but have to politely disagree with you. Maybe that lifestyle has worked for you, and I think that's great if it's true. However I can't just "ride the waves". Even as much as I hate the medications and side effects, the benefits still far outweigh the negatives. And yes, I do agree many doctors (especially psychiatrists) do have agendas-I actually left one last year for that exact reason. But I truly believe there are good ones out there (I love the one I have now) who care about their patients. Would you encourage a diabetic to "embrace their condition" and avoid medications? I certainly wouldn't. I can appreciate your difference of opinion; I certainly don't expect everyone to feel like me. And many Bipolars do not use medications-and they are totally content with that. But I'm not. I've been "unmedicated", and I've seen what this disorder does to me. Since I'm 99% more manic than depressed, when I'm not medicated, I destroy EVERYTHING. I've worked so hard to get back to where I am, I couldn't even think about losing it. I do think about being off meds....mostly because of the horrible side effects. But the only time it will happen is when my hubby and I decide to get pregnant. I couldn't, well, wouldn't take the risk of ruining my marriage, and losing my friends and family. I've seen too many mentally ill who are totally off the wall because they refuse to be medicated. And my hubby has more than enough to put up with without me being all over the place. It's more important for me to take care of myself-for me that means medication, cognitive therapy, and lots of love from friends and family. I don't blame myself for being born with this disease, and I'm just trying to live with it-just like any other physical disability.

    Thanks for the friend comment, I appreciate it....but I really have no idea who you are!? Fill me in!


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