Hey guys....I haven't forgotten you or the blog. I've been really sick lately, the edema has been getting worse and worse so I can hardly walk, so I've been seeing a bunch of doctors. I was also taking off the lithium (which they thought might be the problem....turns out it wasn't)...so it's likely something physical.

I'll update when I have some more time....hope you all are well!

Why is everyone so misinformed?

So I've watched Dr. Oz off and on for a while, because I find the medical information interesting, even though as a thoracic surgeon I don't believe he's qualified to provide the information he's throwing out there. So I sometimes watch. Today will be the last day. Today he did a special on diet pills. Innocent enough. Until, he told a woman that because of taking diet pills she "became" Bipolar. Seriously? I understand that the drugs she was ingesting had speed in them...but people don't just "get" Bipolar. She ended up in a drug rehab because of the drugs in her brain. That has nothing to do with a mental illness. It's not like stubbing your toe. Having a mental illness is a long, complicated list of genetics and circumstances. It absolutely drives me nuts that the people who are supposed to "know better" and who are educating others are not telling the truth. One of the reasons why there are SO many stigmas out there about mental illness.

Well, I just had to get my mini-rant out there. So long Dr.Douchebag Oz.

Ps-I'll put up another post asap, I've been having horrible side effects from the Welbutrin, so I haven't been writing. I see my doctor tomorrow, so we'll see what happens after that.

Take care.

I haven't forgotten you all!

Hey all,

I haven't forgotten you all. I've been crazy busy with doctor appointment; trying to figure out my edema (which we now think is related to my lithium-oh yay). I've been having a really hard time on the Wellbutrin. I'm not able to sleep more than 4 hours at a time-MAX! And when I do sleep, I have horrible, vivid dreams-as if that wasn't bad enough, I scream and yell in my sleep, and thrash and kick. Poor Chris has not had a good night's sleep in a week, never mind the bruises. Has anyone else experienced this? I've decided I'm going to go one more week, and then call my doc if nothing has changed. So far I'm definitely not impressed with this drug. I feel like it's winding up my mind, but doesn't help with the OCD or anxiety AT ALL (which my doc did warn me about). I just have a feeling that this isn't going to be the drug that will work for me.

Just wanted to get a quick post out there. I'm trying Aqua Fit Bootcamp tonight (since I'm not able to work out because of the edema-which is driving me INSANE)....and I'm excited about it. We'll see how it goes!

Hope everyone is well!

An Update

Hey all.

I've been having a much better week this week. I had a great dinner with my best friend on Tuesday night and a really nice lunch with my girlfriends from school today. I saw my psychiatrist on Tuesday, and he prescribed me Wellbutrin, so I finally feel like I have some hope of coming up out of this depression. I've only been on it a couple days, and I'm feeling woozy and pretty "out of it". I have that typical "foggy" feeling from starting a new medication-and I'm pretty dizzy (no driving for me!), but I haven't had any real bad side effects yet. It will take a few weeks for the Wellbutrin to kick in, so we'll see how that goes. I also saw my family doctor today, and she doubled my water pills, hoping that will rid me of my edma. If not, she (and my psychiatrist) are pretty sure I'll have to either come down or off of my lithium; something that scares the crap out of me. I've been on lithium since the VERY beginning of my diagnosis, and to be without would terrify me. Plus, there is a reason it's the #1 drug used on Bipolars. But....we shall see. I'm trying to think positive.

I had a couple different topics planned out for this post, but I've received some more hate mail, and I have a couple more things to say. This will be the last post addressing more hate mail, because it is a waste of my time. But, I feel it's important for everyone to “get" where I'm coming from. I've made this blog public because I want to help to erase the stigma of mental illness. I don't pretend to live my life perfectly; I certainly never claimed to be perfect. This blog is a reflection of my daily life. Some days will be good; some will be bad-that’s the nature of the illness. However, I have the chance to write how I feel and put it "out there" and maybe change someone's perception, or at least help them to understand what mental illness truly is about. So, I've kept this blog public-and I'm glad I did, because I've had some great comments from people I don't even know in different countries with totally different perspectives. Unfortunately, I have a very pathetic and misguided (and also mentally ill) person from my past (who is scarily obsessed with my husband) who has decided that this blog is the way for her to get "back" at me. She thinks she’s found some “smart” way to “get at me”, but really Chris and I just have a good laugh at her posts and delete them. I have disabled the "anonymous" option because she was the only one using it anyways, and will no longer post her posts (they were no longer about the blog, only me and my husband anyways). It's a sad day that people feel they must attack people over the internet, (because they are too afraid to say it in person of course) but I won't let my blog suffer for it. Since I know she's reading (funny how she hates my blog yet continues to read it)-

* I will no longer read your posts or emails. I honestly hope you can get help for your illness some day because at this rate it's going to ruin your life. Good luck with everything. *

I realize that by keeping this blog public I open myself to criticism. Criticism of my illnesses, my doctors, my medications, etc.-I'm ok with that. But this is not a forum to personally attack me. This is an area to talk honestly about something many people aren't able to speak about in public or at home. Mental Illness Awareness is coming, and it's not stopping for the ignorance. It's taken us waaaaaaaaaaaaaay too many years to have our voice heard. It's more than damn time. So send your hate mail if you want; it won't be read. I'm focusing on the positive, not just for me, but for this blog, and for the awareness. If we don't do it, no one will. The stronger ones have to fight for the weaker-there are so many ill who aren't able to fight for their rights-but we CAN. So LET'S DO IT.
Thanks again for reading. I so appreciate it.

Ps-Is anyone else on Wellbutrin or have you tried it?

My 2010 Goal

One more quick post before bed. I found this quote in one of my Anxiety books, and I've decided it's going to be my 2010 mantra; I hope you all will join me in it.

"Mental Illness is not an excuse or a sign of weakness."

I don't want to "blame" my problems on my illness, nor do I want to be a victim to it. That's my goal for 2010!

Please check out the post below my hubby did; he worked really hard on it. Comments would be great! :)

My Hubby's Blog

Hey guys. Quick update-

I see my doctor tommorrow, and will hopefully come home with a medication change or head to the hospital. I can't handle this depression any longer; I spent all day in bed today. Thankfully, my hubby made a great dinner and an awesome friend came by tonight, so that kept my spirits up, but I'm thinking about suicide often, and that scares me. I know I need to stay on top of my illness, and I know that my doctor wanted to try keeping me off anti-depressants, but the past month has proven that I can't do it. I will let you all know the outcome, wish me luck.

My hubby finished his blog yesterday, so I'm typing it up for him. He asked me to remind you all that essays (or writing) is not his strong suit, but he wanted to provide his view.

"So, the first thing I should do is introduce myself as Kim's husband, Chris. Kim has been telling me that many of you are asking how you can help a loved one suffering from Bipolar Disorder (or any mental illness really). Well, the first thing you should do to help is learn as much as you can about the disorder and how your loved one is affected. Early in our relationship, we found a book that I found very helpful, "Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder" by Julie A Fast and John D. Preston. As someone living with a Bipolar person, my first role as a husband is to be the first line of defense. That means I had to find out Kim's triggers and know the early signs of a relapse. Any time I see the early signs in Kim I let her know what I see and we try to get her out of the situation that is stressing her out.

Having Bipolar disorder means Kim can't handle as much stress as many other people so whenever there is a lot of stress in her life she is most likely to have a relapse. Now, I know there is always going to be stress in life-my job is to keep a limit to it. Some ways I can help Kim in those stressful times is to just do as many little things as I can-like making plans for us to go out, doing extra things around the house and making sure I do not argue with her. There will be days when your loved one will get mad at you or yell at you and you may not understand why (or think they are totally overreacting); in that case, just be patient. Do not argue-just apologize or let them "get it out". They are just having a bad day. When they are ready you will be able to talk to them about what happened. Usually for Kim she was usually yelled at or got into an argument at work where she could not fully release her emotions. So she holds back and releases it on the first person (usually me).

Lastly, the most important thing I find is KEEPING AN OPEN LINE OF COMMUNICATION about the illness, the symptoms and the triggers. Every day when I come home I ask Kim, "How was your day?" or "How are you doing?" and make sure they get into their mental wellness of that day. Every case is different, and every Bipolar will have different triggers, different warning signs, and different ways to treat and deal with it. So, I hope you find this helpful with your relationships, and if any of you have questions, please leave them here and Kim will relay them to me. "


Isn't my hubby wonderful???! What do you all think about his advice?

Ignorance

Hey all,

I'm sure some of you have noticed the ignorant posts from "Anonymous" (what a surprise). I have responded a few times, but it's become a personal vendetta against me (or my blog, I'm not sure). Either way, I refuse to have my blog taken over by someone who has no desire to learn about mental illness. Not only that, I have no desire to write to someone and waste my time typing to someone who clearly just wants to sit around on their computer and have "internet fights". We're not in high school folks. It's now 2010, and a brand new year-let’s hope people can start to understand mental illness (or at least make an effort to). Let's hope we can break down some of these walls of ignorance.


I want to be able to get help, when I need it (not waiting months for a psychiatrist or for a bed in a hospital) and to be able to speak about my illnesses without shame. That's my wish for 2010.

What's yours?

Happy 2010!!

Happy New Years to all!!! I am (trying) to recover from last night-my hubby and I spent an awesome fancy dinner at our favourite restaurant with our favourite couple, and then headed over to a pub to ring in the new year. Hope you all had a great night, and spent it with those you love. We spent the day today with the hubby's side of the family (a tradition)....feeling lots of love and hope for the new year.

I'm going to try and wipe the slate clean this year, and start anew. I wish you all health, love and happiness! More posts to come-including my hubby`s-he`s been working on his for a couple weeks now.

Blondie.